Women in general like acknowledgment and loving affection, a person withwhom they can connect, relate to and most important of all, a person they can trust. We also need our men to be able to "Communicate." Yes I know, that is such a tricky term of art for men to grasp, so I'll make it simple and break it down for you guys.

Women want to be able to discuss their life, their dreams, their hopes and fears. For every secret they tell you, they want you to tell them four more. Hopefully by the time you've dated for at least a month, women want to be able to feel the "we" of the relationship, which means that you would be using what I call "future talk" with one another.

This includes talk on the man's part of wanting to include the woman in his life to some capacity, i.e. introducing her to his friends, remembering specifics of her career, being spontaneous, wanting to surprise and please her, talk of future plans together for the holidays, summer vacations, in other words, letting your woman know that you can actually see a possible future for the two of you somewhere down the road! ( Im not talking about running off to get married at the the Elvis Chapel on the 5th date)

Although women can seem mysterious, they will show you what it feels like to be truly loved, as long as you're willing and able to accept the responsibility of a true and loving relationship. It is up to you, the man to show them that you and your feelings for her are real, and mean it! Your words must always be your honor. No excuses or sad stories for why you forget to call them on Saturday nights or are too tied up with your own life demands to find the time to pursue them ( no matter how hard it may be for you at times) with the desire of a man in love!

Compassion and understanding are also big on the list of Do's. Women like a man that is compassionate and understanding, someone who shows that he genuinely cares. It is important for a woman in this 21st century to be able to speak her mind without being considered to be "trouble" or a "princess"....respect for your woman's thoughts and opinions matter. Recognize her intelligence and strong points.

Even if you don't agree with her, find good points from both perspectives and learn to communicate. It is of utmost import for her to know that she is seen as a total and whole person in your eyes. Never cut her down or tell her she would be so much more beautiful ( or look 10 years younger) if only she would ; i.e. get her breasts enlarged or go blond! Find something unique her that no one has ever told her about before, and mean it. Women will see right through anything that is not authentic.

Hope these few tips for getting the girl that you deserve have helped! Just remember, you've gotta be the guy that she deserves and no less!!!!!

____________________________

Dr. Arlene G. Krieger is Clinical Sexologist with a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. She is currently working on her new book, The Simple Sex Guide, due out this coming Fall.

During a press conference the other day, President Obama stated, “We are going through the worst economic crisis since the ‘Great Depression’. Whether one recognizes the President’s remarks as truth or not, one can’t help but realize that many in our nation’s population are experiencing financial hardship along with great levels of stress. This is a high stakes game that most are trying to find their way out of without any solutions in sight.

Countless couples are coming in my doors now depressed, with many on the verge of divorce. It is disheartening at best to see the pain and angst they are suffering. Ultimately by the time they make the final decision to come in for therapy, there is often much unresolved anger.  The anger has by now manifested in lack of trust, no desire to care about or show empathy for their partner and an overall sense of hopelessness.

I explain to the couple the options available in therapy and the therapeutic modality in which I will be working with them. If the couple is still engaged in their relationship and appears to be willing to work on staying together, then I will utilize every option available to help them find their way back to one another.

Whether or not the couple is deemed to be still, “In Love”, is a blanketed notion that cannot determine the chances of the relationships survival at the onset of therapy. Love is not an adjective, it is a decision that two people make together to invest in their lives as one loving unit. In other words, as team players, “you and me babe” against the world.

I often tell my patients that they must do the work in therapy; I don’t “fix them.” They must work together with the therapist to help themselves also. It is not easy work for the couples and it can get intense, however it is worth the effort. I often tell my patients that it is worth the last ditch efforts to explore saving their relationship, so that they never have any regrets as to whether or not they did the right thing.

The lyrics of Tina Turner's song, "Whats love got to do with it" resonates in my mind as I drive into my office today. Although they say that one should leave their work at the office, in my line of work, that is easier said than done. The pain and angst of life exists, many learn to survive it, for some that are eternally stuck in the past, it culminates into eternal pain.

Whether at rest, in lines at the food store or caught in traffic, thoughts of my patient's lives tumble through my head like waves crashing upon the shore. The nuances of each and everyones personal dilemmas, ebbing and flowing with the same destructive forces of nature.

In review of a recent article, it is reported that "head over heels attraction can be a sign of bad schema chemistry." The author speaks of "love traps" such as issues of entitlement, abandonment, defectiveness, subjugation, self-sacrifice, punitiveness. The list is unlimited as to what we as human beings are capable of, in relation to the dynamics of personal interaction with one another.

Thus, if Lust, Sexual and Physical attraction, the Desire for another for the sake of personal pleasure is not LOVE, then as 'Alfie' so effectively states "whats it all about.?"

To begin with, LOVE is a decision that one makes, hopefully incorporating, reason, logic, and executive front lobal thought processes, vs. the animal attraction of the limbic system thought processes.

Real LOVE is the conscious intent, a cognitive leap of good faith, mixed with genuine care, respect, and a sprinkling of heartfelt and soulful emotion towards your respective object of desire/loved one.

Absolute LOVE is not simply wanting this other human being in your life because you can gain personal pleasure from them, but rather, it is an intangible soul to soul love, where wanting the best for the other person comes from your heart, not from a sense of personal gain. To love one because you admire and respect the core essence of them, to love another from the perspective that you are a better person for having them in your life, these are the essentials of an authentic and lasting LOVE.

Simply some food for thought for all of those who claim to love, but use the term vaguely....without exploring the responsibilities of what it truly means to commit to such a blessed and sacred joining of two persons in relationship.

In Love and Light,

Dr. Arlene G. Krieger