It’s that time of year again when all is ok with the world and we are all in love! Valentines Day is coming!!!! All of our romantic dreams will come true! Our lovers will understand us, hear our deepest thoughts, validate our existence in this crazy world and love us deeply until the end of eternity. Arrrgghhhhh! REALITY CHECK: Our nation is in crisis, yet we are trying to make sense of it all. Lovers and couples have much more on their plates than simply attending to daily issues of their marriages, partnerships and relationships. Marriages and relationships are in trouble more than ever now. Fear of losing everything we’ve ever worked for, insecurity of not being able to provide for your family, and the resulting behaviors of arguing non-stop are all taking their toll on relationships~ Homes, jobs and even our relationships are at stake in this economy. These economic issues are spilling over onto our dinner tables, and seeping into our bedrooms. These changes in the world are affecting our personal lives more than we realize. It is impossible to live in this world without confronting stressors in our daily lives. However, everyone has a breaking point, a place somewhere on the continuum of life where ‘overload’ occurs and you “just can’t take it anymore.” This is the statement heard most often in my therapy office the past few months. We are satiated, overwhelmed by financial issues, arguments over paying the bills, the pulling apart and separation of the “coupledom” of the relationship. Where is the romantic partnership that we thought we had? What happened to that man/woman that we fell in love with so long ago? Doesn’t he/she love me anymore? Am I still attractive to my partner, don’t they desire me anymore? “We’ve been together for 5….10……20….years and the spark is just not there any longer” these are the greatest concerns of men and women in relationship today. This month I am featured in the cover story of Boca Magazine’s February 2009 issue- “15 Ways To Say I Love You.” I speak of ways to “Spice It Up” in relationship. Most importantly is the fact that “couples must realize that romance is an absolute. You have to re-create the relationship on a daily basis. Yes, it’s work. But so is getting dressed in the morning and making breakfast.” Relationship is work. It requires no less than the effort one puts into their job, their hobbies, themselves. To love another requires committment to recognizing their uniqueness. Love is not about creating a clone of yourself and expecting your partner to be exactly like you. Lastly, love is not simply a feeling. Not the lust you first felt in the first few weeks of dating. Rather, LOVE is a decision, an action in understanding and caring for your partners, emotions , likes and dislikes and most importantly your partners needs….”see me…feel me….touch me”…….HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are the bread and the knife,
The crystal goblet and the wine...
-Jacques Crickillon

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

Change is upon is. This is most often a good thing. However, the current climate of change includes massive financial concerns including, recession, and loss of jobs, homes and yes, our relationships. The No.1 issue being reported by many already in relationship… is no sex life! So then what is this mysterious “Sexless Syndrome” affecting our perfectly manicured and totally pumped gym bodies?

To even imagine that we as human beings can ‘intellectualize” issues at work and problems at home…  and move on as though nothing is happening, is unrealistic at best. As stated best in a recent Desperate Housewives episode; by the character Carlos in response to Gabriele’s request, “I just wanted to have a normal life!” Carlos says,” Well, guess what sweetie? Dad’s unhappy at work; mom’s home with the screaming kids. You got one.” That pretty much sums it up!

Our emotional problems affect our physical well being. These two systems of emotionality and physicality do not operate independent of one another. It is a biological impossibility.

Although many traditional medicine practitioners have not previously focused on the mind/body connection, we as educated consumers are now demanding this dual integrative approach from our medical and alternative care practitioners and doctors.

When a patient whether male or female comes into my office with issues of low libido or more commonly stated as “No Sex Drive”,  I first will want to ‘rule out’ any other physiological or biological reasons that could be affecting their libido.

As a  Board Certified Clinical Sexologist, when patients present in my office with these issues I work collaboratively with a team of professionals, i.e. urologists, anti-aging medicine doctors, and other alternative care practitioners, to meet each individual patient’s needs.

Just as women can have an imbalance in hormones, so do men. Women lose hormones (90 percent over a two-year period) and are quite aware of their symptoms; because of this they usually do something about it immediately. For men, it takes 10-12 years to completely bottom out. Because this transition is so gradual they usually attribute these symptoms to aging. Many men and women have not realized that aging is simply declining hormones. According to experts, in the BHRT (Bio-Identical Hormone Replacement Therapy) field state that this decline can be slowed down and in some cases reversed with hormone therapy.

If you are seeking a sex therapist in your area to address these issues with, please make sure that they are licensed as a Board Certified Clinical Sexologist. Many find that their quality of life relationship and sex life are greatly improved, once these medical/psychotherapeutic issues are addressed.