While on a social networking site that I also post articles on, I came across another member’s recent post describing her overwhelming feelings of pain and angst over a lost love. Her powerful writings described feelings of falling hard, unrequited love, yearnings for comfort, tossing blindly and her willingness to walk into the fire to be reunited with her lover.
As a little girl I remember all too well the feelings of being dumped by Bobby, my kindergarten boyfriend for little blond Karen, his newest conquest. Although I grew up, fell madly in love myself and lived the all American dream for a few years, the bubble burst and I ended up a single parent of three. As I often tell my patients in my private practice here in Boca Raton, Florida (http://www.bocatherapy.com/) love is not for the timid. In order to love one must be willing to risk. With risk come thousands of possibilities of outcome. There are no guarantees in life or love. So if you are bold enough to take that giant leap of faith, there are still ground rules for searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right!
We all want that love that makes us feel like we're home. Somebody to hold; share in our dreams and disappointments. On the '"journey of love" most often, the prince charming and sleeping beauty princesses end up to be diamonds in the rough for most of us. So often I hear the phrase, "I don't want to settle." My advice to you is Don't Ever Settle! True love is not about "settling" in order to say that you're in love or not be alone on a Saturday night.
So instead of reaching out for a phantom love or talking to yourself about what a cold, cold road it is out there, do something about finding that one great person to share your life with. The author on gather.com described her feelings of unrequited love as:
"I am sitting here at my computer waiting as usual for him to email me, I have a feeling he won't. This is hard to write and as I do the tears start once more, I have cried over him so many times. I met someone who after talking with for several months’s, almost everyday, came to love. Now how silly is that?
I know I am being silly, but it's true. I told him many times how I feel, he thought it was nice, but was honest from the start telling me he did not feel the same way. So I made a fool of myself. Can someone tell me how do you get over someone you love, but doesn’t love you? It hurts terribly and my heart is broken. "
If you're waiting for a change of heart sitting at the edge of your seat expecting your relationship to turn around for the better as the author above, you'll be waiting for a long, long time. People don't usually "change." What you see is what you get in most situations involving love and relationship. Thinking about those lonely nights waiting for someone's call is useless energy that could be better spent in a productive manner and leading you to a fulfilling relationship.
KEYS TO LETTING GO AND MOVING ON FOR THOSE THAT HAVE "FALLEN (IN LOVE) AND CAN'T GET UP."
1. Let go and move on when you don't get back what you put into the relationship.
2. Spending countless hours waiting for someone to call makes you the fool, not him/her.
3. Recognize that you're a unique and valuable person; seek out someone who recognizes you for your worth.
4. Wasting time on someone that doesn't show you respect or consideration is a go nowhere situation.
5. Communication is crucial; when someone tells you who they are, believe them!
6. Don't believe you're in love because there is an empty space in your life, develop some basic boundaries
7. If you are at any level of discomfort, speak your truth, give your partner a chance to step up to the plate, and if you don't get your needs met, then move on!
Life is not a dress rehearsal as the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, Go Fishing and find your happiness!