I've been away visiting with my daughter in New York City. She is a young doctor in the city and among the ranks of those "dating" in Manhattan. Over breakfast one morning, we were discussing the issues of relationship and what attracts people to one another. There seem to be some basic correlations in the dating and mating process no matter what generation is at hand.
The conversation turned to peoples likes and dislikes and ultimately to aspects of relationship. As I nibbled on a black and white cookie, it reminded me that just as the movie character Forest Gump referred to life as being like a "box of chocolates", I tend to see relationship as that of the "black and white cookie syndrome."
My daughter looked at me with that look of the empirical mind of a surgeon, and asked what the black and white cookie had to do with relationship? She doubted that I could actually create a blog on the subject, so here's to you my darling daughter.
I received a call from her yesterday to alert me to the fact that she saw the recently printed article where I was interviewed for an article in Cosmopolitan magazine. As a "relationship expert" and Clinical Sexologist, my opinion as Arlene Krieger, PhD. was quoted in the November 2008 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. The front page article in this issue is titled, "Times You Shouldn't Text a Guy." (pg. 44) As a Board Certified Clinical Sexologist, I am always in motion, in the flow of research, seminars, actively looking for the newest and latest information to help my patients.
Many patients are referred to my practice by gynecologists, urologists and other medical doctors that are also hoping to help their patients. Sex therapy is a very specific specialty and it is good to see that the medical profession is accepting it as part of the integral and comprehensive treatment for their patients.
The black and white cookie analogy represents the differences we all tend to perceive as human beings. Just as in the medical professions, traditional doctors tend to view life and medical issues differently than many of the holistic doctors. These various climates of thought are often confusing to the patients. It is then up to us as individuals to make educated and rational choices, to be responsible for our own physical and mental health.
It is the same process of choosing Relationship that often lends itself to states of conflict and confusion. With the "Black and White cookie" theory, the question arises, why do we have to like chocolate over vanilla or vanilla best over chocolate? Which side of the cookie do you go for first? Do you ever mix it up and eat half of one and half of the other, do you cheat and claim to be a chocolate lover, and yet intermittently break off little bits of the white side of the cookie? Can our individual taste choices be judged here? Would one ever dare to chastise another for their cookie preferences?
The real issue in choosing your partner and getting along with the choice of "cookie" that you made, is in the why, how and what of your choices. People make these most important choices of all, whom you plan on spending the rest of your life with, often based on poor reasoning. This ultimately ends up in the demise of their relationship or marriage.
It is of utmost import to realize exactly which side of the black and white cookie you stand for! If you are a vanilla icing kind of girl, no matter how much you try to rationalize it, you're never going to be at that necessary comfort level with Mr. Chocolate! Although he may talk a convincing story about the rich, dark chocolate wonder of life, you may not be able to live outside of your cool creamy vanilla understanding and existence of your own values and traditions.
We often tend to make our right another's wrong. It’s not that simple. Of course if two people are attracted enough to one another to try and build a relationship there will have to be compromise. However, make sure that you choose the familiar side of the cookie before you embark on this most interesting road to romance and lifetime commitment.