Excerpt~ Coming May, 11th, 2012

For the most part, we all go into the dating world full of expectations and hope, sometimes ignorant of reality. We can laugh at the drama of dating and the road to relationship, so many sins, so little time, yet it hurts to the core to be disappointed time after time. The old adage of "What is the definition of insanity?"..Doing the same thing over and over again with the same negative results seems to apply. Yet, we persevere believing in the fairy tale of that one great guy out there that is just perfect for us!

You know that guy, the one with the perfect white teeth, gorgeous smile and a body to die for. He is successful, independent, owns an expensive car and is savvy enough to know the politically correct lingo of 800 thread count sheets and Louboutin shoes.  Ok, I may be mocking the "Fairy Tale" of romance, yet read on; unfortunately life can be cruel and selective when it comes to the mating dance of relationship and romance.

Whether you are in your 20's or 50's and reading this book, these self-perpetuating dating rules still seem to apply across the board. We all want the achieving man, not the guy that just couldn't get his act together and is a gread dude but missing a tooth or two. You might have a fling with the muscle guy from the gym or a one night stand that you swear wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been so intoxicated. Yet, as free-spirited as you think yourself to be, don't kid yourself.

There are 3 lies that women tell themselves; 1. it doesn't matter that he has no career plans or money 2. If I sleep with him he'll fall in love with me, 3. I don't care if he doesn't call me the next day after I've slept with  him, I can be as much of a man as he is!   Nope....not true.  Don't be hard on yourselves though for trying to convince yourselves of these "Triplet Tyrannys" it's not altogether your fault, for now, lets blame it all on that little devil hormone, Oxytocin. but more about that later.

The Truth is: Ultimately you want that man that is going to take care of you and your future, the one that as they say, can be there for you when you can't be there for yourself. You may be young or older, have a career and plans for your life, but when you  choose that one man, the one whose hands you are going to be placing your life in, you want the winner.

When Sally first got a call from Sam, a man that she was supposed to be  set up with, she had that funny feeling in the pit of her stomach. By the time the call had ended Sally was wondering what had just happened. Her prospective date had been friendly enough, he had even asked her out for a Monday or Tuesday dinner for the upcoming week. 

That's it she realized; why would a man call you on a Friday morning to ask you out for a weekday date for your first date? Well, for starters  because of the infamous... "Weekday Date" every smart girl knows that this is a hedging your bets, safe date. You don't really rate yet in this man's agenda yet, so he asks you out on a random Monday night date to see if he likes you. Then of course if you hit it off, you just might rate the "Weekend Saturday Night Date."

While hanging out with her girlfriend, Sally ran this whole scenario by her friend over a cup of coffee.  Val was a big and beautiful woman with a quick wit and a background in law enforcement, enough street smarts and  savvy to have an opinion and mean it!  What!!!?? Val 's response was quick and to the point.  "I don't like it" she pointedly stated, I've got a prickly feeling in the pit of my stomach about this man. You let me know how it goes she said, with a doubtful frown.

Sally was a professional woman with a busy schedule. Still having that churning feeling of unrest,  although she had agreed to meet this new man on a Tuesday night, she called and broke the date claiming to have to work late.  Still he called the next day to see if she was free. He said he was going out of town for Christmas but wanted to meet her before he left. She agreed to meet him thinking that he had made an effort to get back to her. Perhaps her inclinations about him were wrong.

Sam had made dinner reservations at an upscale local restaurant for 7:30. Sally told him she would meet him there after work.  He spotted her immediately as she approached and once seated at the bar with him waiting for their table, Sam apologized for reaching out and touching  her thigh. He laughed and said he was a really touchy feely guy. During dinner the conversation went well, although he had brought up several subjects including, being lonely, looking for something real, not wanting to settle just to be in a relationship. When they got to the valet he told her that he had something for her, he'd be right back. As the valet brought up his car, a Bentley....( ahem...Player Alert) he  reached into his car and came back with a small package, handing it to her. He said it was Christmas and that although he had just met her, he wanted to give her a small gift. It's nothing big he said, I'm really doing it for myself, it makes me feel good to be able to give someone something. ( Bigger Player Alert)

When Sam got back from New York he texted Sally to see if she could meet him for dinner on Thursday night.  Sally met him at a cute and cozy little place that he had chosen for their second date. When Sam saw Sally he walked up to her and gave her a big kiss. During dinner, he pulled her to him as she went to use the rest room and kissed her. Oh my gosh she thought, this is a very romantic man. When dinner was over, Sam slid his chair next to her and took her hand. Kissing her ever so softly, he told her that this felt like something special.

 After dinner they took a romantic walk.  It was cold outside as he pulled her close to him, holding the collar of her jacket, he  kissed her again and again as they said goodbye. 

The next morning, which was coincidentally Saturday and New Years Eve,  Sally received a text, "Morning Sweetness, at golf course...you were delicious last night, wasn't easy to fall asleep with you on my mind ~ Sam"

Screechhhhh!!! Player Alert!   Later that morning Sally ran into Sam at the gym. She seemed upset so he asked her what was wrong. Well, she said....I know we've only been on two dates, but it is New Years Eve tonight and I though you might have asked me to spend it with you.  He  looked at her  somewhat embarrassed and awkward, he blurted out..."well, I was going to call you last night but I didn't want to bother you. Ummm, I actually agreed to go to a party with a woman I used to date, she asked me several weeks ago and I didn't want to disappoint her."  

_OK_____    .... This is where this man becomes the player. Either he is completely clueless, dumb as a rock or a Big Ass Player!!  If Sam was so into Sally, as evidenced by his quick to  the draw, kissing, romantic walks with kissing, and more kissing,  including his statements that he was "crazy" about her, along with the over the top Text Messages.... I don't care who he promised to go to a party with several weeks ago, his priority should have been Sally, the woman he was currently attempting to date. New Years Eve of all nights represents one's future, not the feelings of a woman this man had once dated.  What kind of message could that possibly have sent to Sally except that she was not his No 1 priority?  

Sally dumped Sam. Poor Sam. But then for the most part, Players never know that they are Players until they find themselves alone. There are no excuses for bad behavior. It's as simple as that. 

Remember Snail Mail?
Buy (or make) a sweet and simple card. Write a sentence or two about what he means to you...just because...and MAIL it... everyone loves mail, and everyone loves sweet reminders!

Simple Pleasures Rub your partner's feet when he/she is really tired at the end of the day.

Special Surprises
One of the most romantic things you can do is to make your partner a special surprise. Fill the room full of candles. It's very romantic!

I'd Like To Have...
Pick one day a week to call your partner and ask him/her what she would like you to bring home, eg: hugs, kisses, or even a massage.

It's The Little Things..
A little token or two to show how much you care is always appreciated. If he's sick, bring him hot soup. If he's upset, bring him flowers... spend some time with him.

Notebook of Ideas If you don't have the time or energy to try all of these things, then make a note of your favorites, and keep up the notebook by writing some of your own. Refer back to this notebook when you have the time.

Open Your Heart
Often the greatest way to show your love is by giving someone your trust. Open up and tell your mate something about you that no one else knows. It's a sure fire way to let them know how special they are and how much they mean to you.

Pampering Your Partner
Every day, one of you can do something to pamper the other one. Facials, pedicures, massages, a hot meal, a bath... it doesn't matter!!! It will keep you close and you will find it very relaxing to take care of each other. Give it a try...it does wonders in the bedroom too!!

Pay Attention
The best way that I have found to show that you love that person is to pay attention to what they tell you. It's a very easy thing to do but it is often overshadowed by personal thoughts or wants. Praise Your Mate
Tell him/her that they are the best. Kiss often and comfort each other by holding each other... anywhere.

Pull Each Other Close
Just because it feels good.

A Time To Hold
The best thing to do is to fall asleep in someone's arms and to wake up there knowing that you were held all night long by someone you love... It doesn't have to be anything beyond cuddling.

A Cheap Date Pack a picnic basket and head to the closest rest stop. You won't believe how romantic and memorable this can be.

A Touch Is Worth A Thousand Words Caress, cuddle and massage your way into your partner's heart.

Act Like A Kid Again It is fun to act like a kid again, you and your mate can go for a walk to the park after dark, or go to an indoor amusement park and have a blast.

Random Gifts Everyone loves receiving gifts, especially if they're unexpected, no matter how big or small - anything will do!

Remain Playful
There's nothing wrong with having a little fun sometimes. It keeps us young. When was the last time you and your partner played hide and seek in your backyard?

A Sweet Dream Tell them "Sweet dreams." before you hang up the phone. It does wonders.

I Love You Too Don't forget the words do have meaning, let your partner know you love him/her.

Just The Two Of Us Take your loved one to a place away from the hustle and bustle of town life. Take a blanket and place it under the trees lie and cuddle the entire afternoon and then watch the moon rise from behind a mountain, and remember how special the person you are with is!

Kiss A Day Kiss your life partner daily before you go to sleep even if your terms not good. If you are unable to kiss today tomorrow you give two.

100 Reasons Write on paper every single reason that you can think of why you love him or her. Try to come up with at least 100.

2 Truths and a Lie
On your first date, tell your partner three things, make one of them a lie. Then let them spend the rest of the evening asking questions to figure out which one isn't true. It's really fun and a great way to get to know each other.

A Gesture Every Day Don't let a day go by without letting your partner know you're thinking about them. A short note written on a post-it is simple and let's them know how you feel.

Quality Not Quantity Sometimes it's hard to find quality time together and get to bed at a reasonable hour. What you can try to do at night is light some candles in the living room, lie down on opposite sides of the couch, and just share about your day. What a great way to relax and catch up.

Rainy Day Dance with your honey in the middle of the street in the rain. This is what memories are made of.

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(http://www.beautyoflove.com/dailyromanticsurprises.htm)