While stopping in for my weekly indulgence of a Starbucks Chai Latte, I noticed KD Langs new CD, Watershed. Although not a recent fan of her music, I had once enjoyed her singing style.

I bought the CD on a whim and popped it into my car cd player a few weeks ago. Honestly, I haven't been able to tear myself away from this cd and her great ballads. Many of the songs speak to much of what I work with in my office each week, regarding Love and Lust.

My favorites are "Flame of the Uninspired" and "Jealous Dog".....to my mind, supporting the concerns of internal conflict and consciousnes ,present in most relationships today.

Whether lovers, husband and wife, or in various stages of relationship, there are often many obstacles that provide an oportunity for growth. Many of the couples and individuals that present in my office, are dealing with issues of having "fallen out of love." They state that they are "not in love" with their partner any longer, after many years of marriage.

 

There is also an all pervasive climate of thought among many of my friends and peers that, "BEING IN LOVE" ....is SIMPLY A FANTASY, and that....."NO ONE IS REALLY HAPPY AND IN AN ENDURING RELATIONSHIP."

I was at a loss for words, stunned to find that so many are disillusioned with LOVE and what they had/have expected from it in their lives and relationships. Although I work with so many of the above issues in my office, statistically I thought the percentage of happy vs. unhappy marriages lined up differently. I always assumed that I had a skewed view of percentages, based on the fact that the supposed "happy" couples wouldn't be coming into my office, yet they did and do exist in today's society.

So then what exactly has happened to our standards of LOVE in today's 21st century?
A huge question to answer. First, I'd like to address the difference between consciously making the decision "to LOVE someone" and "being IN LOVE."

"I'm in Love"...how often we hear this term of art from young lovers, to old. Being "in love" is not an actual love, but rather, falling into LUST. It is wonderful, and madness at the same time, lasting anywhere, according to anthropologists and researchers, from 3 months to 18 months. Then, the beautiful ethereal clouds of lust and wonderment lift, and you find yourself looking at your lover asking, who the heck is this person and why did I fall for him/her to begin with??????

"Loving someone" is another reality altogether. This is a purposeful decision, based on numerous constructs of the thinking process. Constructs such as reason, emotions, intimacy, sexuality, vision, foresight, intuition, logic, and finally, committment.

When couples present in therapy with issues of lack of libido or desire for one anther after many years together, it is important to understand the process of long-term relationship.
Behavioral scientists and researchers are finding that there is more to the mind body connection than ever known before. It seems that couples that stay together, produce larger amounts of a chemical known as oxytocin, which is the "glue" of relatonship. It binds the couple emotionally and appears to produce long term compatible relationship. Although it may not be the hot, lustful relationship you once experienced with your partner, the relationship is comfortable and loving.

So then the really big question is, How do you Bring back the desire and lust for your partner?

Sexual health depends on both adequate psychogenic-in the mind, and biogenic- in the body functioning. Many sexual and relationship concerns result from internal conflict, something in the mind and interpersonal interactions preventing optimal performance, both physiological and emotional

With this said, I like to state that there is big difference between making love and mechanical sex.

 

Podcast: http://www.610wiod.com/cc-common/podcast.html
Click on the above podcast to listen LIVE to Dr. Krieger's Valentines day interview
on Miami's WIOD 610

ALL I REALLY NEED IS LOVE, BUT A LITTLE CHOCOLATE
NOW AND THEN DOESN'T HURT ~ Lucy Van Pelt - 'Peanuts'

That time of year is once again upon us where our women and men are expected to show their love and affection for one another. The burden however is in reality, truly placed on the big broad shoulders of our men! Our men are expected to be spontaneous, charming, and romantic, while also preserving their manly dignity, peace of mind, and bank account still intact!
So begins the tedious task of magically producing that one special gift that communicates all three of these heartfelt virtues.

A question often asked by men and women on a holiday such as Valentines Day is, should the token of a persons affection reflect its meaning through the cost of the gift?

In today's world we have become too self-centered, and materialistic forgetting completely what a gift means! This is a topic that amazes me on any holiday. If you are being judged by the cost of the gift you give, then the person who is receiving it is simply, quite honestly not worth it.

A gift should be given from the heart not because a holiday or a person demands it. The TV media has blasted us with the " Love is as Eternal as a Diamond " commercials, until we feel "less than" if not sporting 3 carats of bling or more. Love is not measured in gems, or cash or expensive chocolates. Love is measured on how you look at each other, how you feel when your lips meet and most of all how you treat each other every single mundane day of your lives.

Although it is nice to get gifts, it is important to keep in mind, what kind of gift is it that creates stress and debt? A simple flower is perfect but to spend nearly a hundred dollars on roses that will wilt in a week, does this make sense?

The best gift, especially on Valentines day, is given from the heart. It's a card made from a child or breakfast made from your spouse, its a special kiss at the end of a long day. The stress of putting upon expectations on a loved one for what you selfishly want is counter-productive. It screams, I only love you for what you will or can give me.

Some Helpful Hints to avoid last minute gift blunders:

*Avoid gifts such as-i.e tickets for fishing tournament, or a set of 'Porno Flicks'
*Avoid gifts that imply the house needs cleaning...i.e. new vacum cleaner, new broom or mop
*Don't be daring and give perfume if she hasn't hinted at exactly the brand she wears....
*Don't buy your significant other a subscription to Men's Health or Popular Mechanics
*Avoid self-help books on 'Saving your Relationship' or 'How to have a Better Sex Life'

Finally, the tried and true gifts, flowers, jewelry and candy ...that have served man well over the generations, seem to always be truly appreciated. Simple, yet elegant. Don't be afraid however, to think outside the box- Life is not always a box of chocolates- You can break from tradition if you find something that is truly romantic and has sentimental value to both of you.

If you follow these tips, you'll have a happy partner and Valentines Day with a loving reason to be in each others arms!

 

I thought these statistics would be of interest to those 50+ and in the internet dating scene:

*Two-thirds of adults between the ages of 50-64 use the Internet (Burst! Media, 2006).
In their quest for love and companionship, computer users aged 55+, accounted for 16.7% of all traffic to on-line personal sites (Internet research firm, Nielsen/NetRatings, 2006).

*The 50+ segment is the fastest growing group of subscribers for on-line dating (Lehman Brothers Equity Research, February 2007).

*Women and men 50+ are using on-line dating and relationship websites because the stigma of an on-line personal ad is fading, and their adult children are leading them to on-line dating (AARP, December 2005).