OMG...is it true? Is chivalry really dead? It seems to be so, as reported in a recent interview and corroborated by several generations of the dating population. In this 21st century world of texting, IM's and internet dating, where oh where has the knight in shining armor gone? It seems his white horse has run off without him and left us women to fend for ourselves!

If only it weren't true, however the reports run steady across the board from those in their 20's to 50's. Most importantly, many men agreed that their peers were oblivious to many of the honorable dating rituals of times gone by.

This interview was done in the "dating trenches" of metropolitan South Florida areas, including South Beach, Miami, and the Palm Beaches. Just to make it clear that the men and women interviewed were not living in rural small town America, where I can only imagine that some of the niceties of romance and courting may still exist.

According to the men interviewed, it has seemingly become a pattern of behavior to "text" rather than make a phone call to their girlfriend. This was apparently the norm whether they were in a current relationship or just starting to date. 

It seems that the art of texting allows for a more casual connection. Without having to actually 
speak to the other person and experience the pressure of coming up with the right thing to say, this seems to provide for a safety net of sorts.

Has 21st century relationship become so mechanical and separated from the flesh and blood of humanity, that we now only want the quick hook-up without the intimacy involved in the dance of love and romance?

 

It was everything you ever thought you needed, your best friend and confidant, romantic and lovely, he/she was your everything all wrapped into one PERFECT package. When you kissed the world seemed to stop and you'd swear that you were the only two people in existence that had ever felt this sweet ecstasy.

By now you know I am just telling stories, there is fiction in the space between that notions of the perfect you and me. Sometimes things just don't work out. The breakup is as simple as that, it all ended in less than 5 minutes of harsh words and disappointment. You know it's the best thing for both of you, but it hurts deep and hard.

Did it really have to end, did he/she disappoint? You couldn't find the words to say I love you, spinning in the cloud of whether to go or stay, you end it.

It is at this point of no return that is so important to explore and define your state of survival and well-being. This involves forgiveness and a willingness to accept that there were two parties involved here, so obviously you played a large part in the dynamics of the breakup. Many times we want to villainies our ex, they broke our hearts so of course they were the guilty ones and we were just the innocent victims! NOT!

Excuse me please, but most likely you had an idea before you got into the relationship of what to expect and who or what you were encountering. We know within a few minutes of meeting someone usually whether or not there is chemistry (which by the way can get you into trouble if that is all there really is to the relationship) and by the time you've had a few dates, you get a sense of who your partner is.

There is a great saying that says it all; "When someone tells you who they are, believe them."
We are often blinded by lust and chemistry, wanting to fit that special someone into the mold that you want them to be.

Your prince or princess has finally shown up at your door, yet if you're not careful, that pedestal you've put them on may come crashing down! So then how to know someone when you're really nothing less than strangers when you first start out on the path of a new relationship. You shared special moments and words that only lovers speak, so how can it be that the tables turned on the spin of dime and you're suddenly standing there alone?

Well, although disappointing at best when things don't work out, without risk, one can never truly encounter a great love. Nothing is guaranteed in this lifetime. They say that one must risk in order to gain.

Stated most eloquently-

The unexplored life is not worth living - Sǒcratēs; circa 470–399 BC.

So pick yourself up and brush yourself off. I know the heartache feels like it will never end, but you will survive this. You must remember that breaking up is a process. You may feel pain and anger in the beginning. Once you have passed through this level of energy, it is important to focus on forgiveness in order to move on. Also, no relationship is usually ever without some merit. I'm sure you each added something to the relationship during the time you spent together. Ultimately something learned, something gained, something given and received from each party.

It’s been a long hot summer; maybe next year will be better than the last. It’s one more day that you may live to the fullest.

May you live everyday of your life- Jonathon swift

The lyrics of Tina Turner's song, "Whats love got to do with it" resonates in my mind as I drive into my office today. Although they say that one should leave their work at the office, in my line of work, that is easier said than done. The pain and angst of life exists, many learn to survive it, for some that are eternally stuck in the past, it culminates into eternal pain.

Whether at rest, in lines at the food store or caught in traffic, thoughts of my patient's lives tumble through my head like waves crashing upon the shore. The nuances of each and everyones personal dilemmas, ebbing and flowing with the same destructive forces of nature.

In review of a recent article, it is reported that "head over heels attraction can be a sign of bad schema chemistry." The author speaks of "love traps" such as issues of entitlement, abandonment, defectiveness, subjugation, self-sacrifice, punitiveness. The list is unlimited as to what we as human beings are capable of, in relation to the dynamics of personal interaction with one another.

Thus, if Lust, Sexual and Physical attraction, the Desire for another for the sake of personal pleasure is not LOVE, then as 'Alfie' so effectively states "whats it all about.?"

To begin with, LOVE is a decision that one makes, hopefully incorporating, reason, logic, and executive front lobal thought processes, vs. the animal attraction of the limbic system thought processes. 

Real LOVE is the conscious intent, a cognitive leap of good faith, mixed with genuine care, respect, and a sprinkling of heartfelt and soulful emotion towards your respective object of desire/loved one. 

Absolute LOVE is not simply wanting this other human being in your life because you can gain personal pleasure from them, but rather, it is an intangible soul to soul love, where wanting the best for the other person comes from your heart, not from a sense of personal gain. To love one because you admire and respect the core essence of them, to love another from the perspective that you are a better person for having them in your life, these are the essentials of an authentic and lasting LOVE.

Simply some food for thought for all of those who claim to love, but use the term vaguely....without exploring the responsibilities of such a true and blissful journey.