Posted by: Dr. Arlene Krieger
in Dating on Oct 27, 2010
There is a new trend among men who refuse to meet for dinner on a first date. The reason that is given - based on the number of first dates that most men have; dinner is too expensive. According to Love Detour Advice, not meeting for dinner may be the reason that a second date never happens. I agree with Love Detour that there is something very special about the dance of romance of the first date. However, by only offering to meet for a "drink" - the level of enthusiasm over the date - changes.
As far as a finanical investment goes - being a woman is much more expensive than being a man. Getting our hair done, make-up, manicures, pedicures, wardrobe and shoes - cost a lot of money. Think of the time that we put into getting ready for that first date. We want to feel that you find our date and us important enough, to at least splurg for a meal or if that makes the man uncomfortable...how about asking the woman if she is hungry, would like a glass of wine, an appetizer perhaps.
When a man asks a woman to dinner, that tells me that he is serious about meeting someone that could possibly be a long term committment. When asked to meet for "a drink" at 7:30 after the office, the poor woman could go into low blood sugar shock waiting for the guy to be a gentleman and ask if she is hungry or has eaten dinner..... for gosh sakes, where have all the real men gone?
By the way, the reported incidents here are not merited because the man wasn't interested in seeing the woman again. The women interviewed maintain that they did indeed get asked out again by these deadbeat daters. It seems that the first date has now become a test of sorts.
On behalf of the men, the men interviewed on this subject claim that women just want a free meal. Or that it is unbelievable what women want from men. Ok, I absolutely believe that men can be taken advantage of. However, if you are reading this and you are a man in the dating arena, I strongly suggest that you offer your date more than a ginger ale.
Look at it this way, the woman meets you after work, she hasn't had a chance to grab dinner. You meet at the bar, you...the man don't ask if she would like something to eat. This is how it plays out in the woman's mind. She is hungry, but what is she supposed to do? The choices would be to either whip out her own credit card, call the waiter over and order a meal for herself. or...wait out the 2 hour drink date...and go home starving. It is an awkward situation at best for the woman.
The fact of the matter is - most people feel more comfortable and intimate in a sit down dinner situation. Show us that you want to get to know us, that you weren't just stopping by for a drink on your way home from the gym or that you have linguine and clams in tin foil in the back seat of your car, and need to get going so that you can have dinner! Honestly, this is a true story reported by a close woman friend of mine.
Really, when was the last time that you invited your family and friends over for Thanksgiving drinks.... Y ou haven't - because getting together with family and friends is important. You want to spend the entire evening with them - shouldn't you put that same amount of effort into a first date?
Why is it that a prospective date/mate doesn't rate the same courtesy that you give to your guy pals?
What do you think? Do you think that meeting for "just drinks" changes the dinamic of the first date?
Do you think that the guy should always pay for the first date? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!
photo via Times Union
in Marriage & Family on Oct 13, 2010
The hustle and bustle of our every day lives doesn't always leave a lot of quality time for the people that we love. With the winter holidays right around the corner - I have begun to wonder, do the holidays really bring us closer together with our loved ones?
Do you find yourself slowing down dramatically and spending more time with your loved ones during the holidays? Is it a time that you commit to reconnecting with your friends, family and loved ones?
Do you see a difference in the way that we communicate with each other during the holiday season? Are we more understanding, nurturing and forgiving? Are you more willing to work on your relationships during this special time of year?
Do the holidays effect your relationships?
Please leave your comments below!
in Relationships on Oct 08, 2010
Do you remember when you first met your partner? Surely, there was an instantaneous spark. Maybe it was her smile, a twinkle in his eye, the way she laughed, the way he took your hand, crossing the street. Whether you met when you were 18 or 48, we all once felt that magic of new love. Somehow though, as the years go by - kids, mortgage payments, jobs, and careers - seem to cloud those special moments that caused us to fall in love in the beginning. Often patients end up in my office because they have lost the "sweetness" that originally existed between the two of them.
I was standing at a store counter the other day and next to me was an elderly couple in their late 80's. I asked them what their secret to life long love is. They simply replied - patience, endurance and few trips to the jewelry counter.
What are your thoughts and secrets to keeping your relationship happy?
Or have you lost that loving feeling and are looking for ways back to each other?
If you are looking for that loving feeling again, join us at our Journey to Intimacy seminar.