When I first came to the city of Boca Raton six years ago, I utilized the quote "Lost That Lovin Feeling" on many of my media materials. I chose that quote as I felt that  much of what was just SO WRONG with most relationships was the fact that many couples had just stopped playing with one another! 

It seems that life just gets in the way after the initial stages of relationship for many couples. Once the babies, bills and just plain mundane of life and relationship gets in the way, people just simply forget to incorporate PLAY into their daily routines of living together as a couple.

Think back about what first attracted you to your partner in the beginning. I'm pretty sure there must have been a hook, you know, the initial attraction that you had for your partner. Whether it hit you like a ton of bricks when you first laid eyes on each other, or it was a friendship that deepened and turned to love, surely there were those sweet, small nuances of romance, lust and PLAY between the two of you.

You may be thinking," ok, thats all well and good, but those behaviors between us were so long ago, we're not the same people anymore."  That's true, you are not the same people. However, hopefully you have grown together over the years, there may be children, trips you've taken, hurdles you've overcome, holidays, illness, happy times, disappointments perhaps, homes bought and sold, different cities, gifts exchanged, intimacy and sexual realtionship, all of these experiences lived between the two of you..those all count as memories and life lived, all equating  to time put into the marriage or relationship.

So then what happened? Why does it just seem to  feel like your marriage or relationship has  lately, just  appeared to have plain out "Flat-lined" into the dulldrums?  First of all, take a minute to sit down and think about this. As they say it "takes two to tango." What part do you play in the script of your marriage or relationship? What is your partners role in this script?  Perhaps the both of you have stopped "Playing" with one another.

They say that the most desirable thing in the world is to be desired.  Sometimes a partner will pull back and not initiate play if they feel that their partner isn't making any attempts at romance or playfullness. Big Mistake,  someone has to get off the hamster wheel of going nowhere.  If you recognize yourself in this scenario and want to try and get back the "Play" I suggest taking some small baby steps to re-writing the script between the two of you.  

For starters...... make sure that you acknowledge each others needs. Communication is not a term to be considered overrated. It is the key to a great and loving relationship. Here are some quick points to help jump-start your relationship back into the Play Zone!

 Incorporatiing ways to begin flirting with your partner again:

1. Text or call once a day. Make it more interesting than , what do you want to eat for dinner! 

2. Get to know your partner again, on a daily basis if possible. What is on your partner's agenda, what are their hopes, wishes, dreams, concerns, worries....Who the heck are you married to today?

3. Express your own needs to your partner. Make sure that they hear you.

4. Set a "date night" to get away from the kids or the hum drum of life, go to the beach, the movies, a concert, the gun range, a hike, hot air rides, diivng with tthe sharks....I don't care what you do...Just Do Something together! Your brain actually creates new synapses when you "Do Things Together" promoting the release of oxytocin and other chemicals in your body that increase the physical and chemical bonding between you as a couple.

5. No one else can help you to re-create your marriage. This a job that only you can do together. First you have to want to make some changes in your relationship. Secondly, you have to do the work.

Good luck and keep in touch.....

COMING SOON:  MEMBERS AREA-    @ www.Bocatherapy.com

This new addition to Dr. Krieger's website will be offering a Members Only & Concierge Services section.  This new programming will allow you to schedule in your personal skype sessions with the doctor at your convenience,  access and view her new Videos on Relationship, and Sexual Intimacy. Also available are access to our  Private Blogging section and access to her store/Books at special member discounts. We look forward to seeing you there this coming December!

Are you one the 40 million Americans feeling sex-starved? If so, what are you feeding your sex life? The same old routine, perhaps, just less of it? Or maybe nothing at all? Or perhaps you’re subsisting on porn or other forms of sexual junk food and empty calories? Are you getting your Recommended Daily Allowance of healthy sex? And if daily is pushing it, how about at least weekly?

Not long ago I wrote an article for this blog imploring couples to try to have sex a minimum of once a week. My reason? When couples stop having sex their relationships become vulnerable—to anger, detachment, infidelity and, even, divorce. I believe that sex matters: It’s the glue that keeps us together and, without it, couples become “good friends” at best or “bickering roommates” at worst. When you’re stuck in a sex rut, your testosterone levels lower, and you get used to not doing it.  Having sex once a week helps to keep you tuned in and turned on, instead of tuned out and turned-off.

 But it’s not enough to just do it once a week, especially if there’s little to no variety in your sexual meal plan. Sex is like food – if you eat the same thing over and over, not only will you get bored; you’ll also end up depriving yourself of vital nutrients. And just like the food pyramid, there are different categories of sex that you should be consuming from regularly:

- There’s sex that’s loving and tender and enhances emotional intimacy (think love-making)

- And there’s sex for the sake of sex: because it feels good and relieves stress (think spontaneous quickie)

- There’s sex that taps the power of imagination and proves that the mind is the biggest sex organ (think sharing a fantasy)

- And there’s sex that plays to all of our various senses: sight, sound, smell, touch and taste

I try to offer up a “sex diet” based on weekly consumption from one of these different groups. For example, in the lovemaking category you can warm up with a hot steamy shower together that includes candlelight and lots of soap and in bed with some passionate eye-gazing. Most people close their eyes a lot during sex, so instead maintain eye contact. Force yourself to be completely present in the moment, even if it feels uncomfortable. Keep those eyes locked. Remaining connected at the highest heights of pleasure will send your intimacy levels through the roof.

In terms of category 2, sex for the sake of sex, mix it up. Don’t settle for same time, same place. According to stats, 92% of Americans have sex in their bedroom, so try a different room. And remember a quickie doesn’t need to lead to climax; it could be a way of building anticipation throughout the day.

Category 3 – fantasy – is one of my favorites. The brain is the biggest sex organ, but too many of us rely on physical pathways to pleasure instead of mental ones. In my professional experience, the couples with the most satisfying sex lives are the ones who are willing to share fantasies without judgment and share in the exploration of the taboo – even if it’s just talking about it.

Category 4 – a sensory potpourri – is the category that keeps on giving. Whether it’s taste, touch, smell, sight, or sound, there are endless combinations of pleasures that stimulate the senses. From the art of erotic massage, to aromatherapy, to pulling out the sexy lingerie, to a playlist of music that transports you to another time to toys and flavored intimacy enhancers, a sexual exploration of the senses reminds us how often we don’t engage them.

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut when you’re in a long-term relationship. And as you take the next step with your partner — and the next, and the next — new and greater responsibilities pile on (house, baby, etc.) and, gradually, sex ends up at the bottom of your list of priorities. Suddenly, and without warning, you realize that you haven’t had sex in weeks, or maybe even months! But with a healthy diet of sex, taken from all four of the sex groups, it’s easy to once again enjoy the pleasures of a home-cooked (make that a bed-cooked) meal.

Excerpt taken from: www.thechart.blogs.cnn.com

Spring is in the air - and so is sex! Forget the romance of Valentine’s Day, the sizzling summer months of July and August, even the nostalgia of your anniversary –- they've got nothing on spring, when all creatures great and small have one thing on the brain: nookie.

But though the temps may be warmer and the flowers may be in bloom, most of us are still actually having sex indoors. In fact, according to a new sex survey from TheNest.com, more than 93% of couples have sex in the bedroom, followed by a distant 8% in the living room, 7% in the shower/bathroom, and 1% in the kitchen.

While some might see this as a good reason to start spreading the loving beyond the bedroom, I think just the opposite: If the bedroom is the place where you’re having all of your sex, then make it as sexy as possible.

 While it’s certainly worthwhile to spice things up by having sex outside the bedroom - the living room floor, the kitchen table, and that alley behind the local bar come to mind - there’s also nothing wrong with having perfectly vanilla (or maybe not-so-vanilla) sex in bed. Especially if you've set up the room in a way that’s conducive to lovemaking. This week, I’d like to suggest that you team up to turn your bedroom into a smokin’ hot love nest.

I don’t know about you, but my bedroom sometimes tends more towards pig-sty than love-nest: from the pile of laundry in the corner to the cluster of wires and cords to the glasses of water placed on the windowsill in advance of the kids who will invariably interrupt the night, the bedroom if often just that: a place to sleep and a bit of a messy one at that.

So it’s time for a little spring-cleaning, of the sex-inducing sort:

Sure, you’ll eventually end up in the bedroom (preferably naked) but, before you get there, you may want to hit up some local shops togetherin order to find some new pieces for your room, or even just set up a time to scour the shops online. Have you ever heard of shopping your closet? It’s when you re-imagine the items you already own in order to create a new and exciting wardrobe. And you can certainly do the same thing here, rearranging furniture and lamps and knick-knacks you already own in order to make your bedroom more like a sexy boudoir. But wouldn't it be fun to pick up a few new pieces?

Before bringing in anything new, however, remove the clutter from your bedroom. Keeping it there will only cause you stress, and distract you from more important things, like how good it feels when flesh meets flesh. After clearing things out, consider what’s left. Could you use some new sheets? How about some with a higher thread count? What about the colors in the room? Pale blues and greens are ideal for relaxing, but you should also add pops of red and pink in order to turn up the heat on your love life. A little art goes a long way, as do fresh flowers or scented candles that have a hint of cinnamon and vanilla, which have been shown to increase arousal and attraction.

The point is to think about refreshing your bedroom in a way that appeals to all of your senses. Do something for each sense: aromatherapy for your sense of smell, a fabulous sexy playlist for your ears, some adult-only toys for your sense of touch, a nice bottle of sweet port and two small glasses for your sense of taste, and even a blind-fold to restrict you or your partner’s sense of sight and enhance the other ones. Remember that the brain is your biggest sex organ, so if you need some ideas about how to put your love-nest to maximum use, check out my book "52 Weeks of Amazing Sex."

The point is to be playful, but remember that anything that’s adults-only should go in a box, preferably one with a lock if there are kids are around. And if there are kids around and you haven’t put a simple lock on your bedroom, do it now and give yourself a little peace of mind.

The main thing about a love-nest makeover is to create a space that’s fun, a little sacred and protected from all of those “outside the bedroom” pressures. Leave the bills and laptops and other digital distractions in the living room. Don’t worry; they’ll still be there in the morning. You might want to even go so far as to remove the photos of the kids or other family members from your bedroom, and replace them with photos of you and your partner –- how about a wedding photo, or a sexy honeymoon photo, or one from when you were first dating and reminds you of all the love that got you where you are today?

Whatever you choose to add to or take away from your bedroom, the point is to make it about your identity as a couple, and it should inspire you to appreciate and celebrate your couple-hood. Cleaning doesn't have to be boring at all - especially if it’s in preparation for a spring fling with your partner!

Excerpt Taken From: www.cnn.com