When I first came to the city of Boca Raton six years ago, I utilized the quote "Lost That Lovin Feeling" on many of my media materials. I chose that quote as I felt that much of what was just SO WRONG with most relationships was the fact that many couples had just stopped playing with one another!
It seems that life just gets in the way after the initial stages of relationship for many couples. Once the babies, bills and just plain mundane of life and relationship gets in the way, people just simply forget to incorporate PLAY into their daily routines of living together as a couple.
Think back about what first attracted you to your partner in the beginning. I'm pretty sure there must have been a hook, you know, the initial attraction that you had for your partner. Whether it hit you like a ton of bricks when you first laid eyes on each other, or it was a friendship that deepened and turned to love, surely there were those sweet, small nuances of romance, lust and PLAY between the two of you.
You may be thinking," ok, thats all well and good, but those behaviors between us were so long ago, we're not the same people anymore." That's true, you are not the same people. However, hopefully you have grown together over the years, there may be children, trips you've taken, hurdles you've overcome, holidays, illness, happy times, disappointments perhaps, homes bought and sold, different cities, gifts exchanged, intimacy and sexual realtionship, all of these experiences lived between the two of you..those all count as memories and life lived, all equating to time put into the marriage or relationship.
So then what happened? Why does it just seem to feel like your marriage or relationship has lately, just appeared to have plain out "Flat-lined" into the dulldrums? First of all, take a minute to sit down and think about this. As they say it "takes two to tango." What part do you play in the script of your marriage or relationship? What is your partners role in this script? Perhaps the both of you have stopped "Playing" with one another.
They say that the most desirable thing in the world is to be desired. Sometimes a partner will pull back and not initiate play if they feel that their partner isn't making any attempts at romance or playfullness. Big Mistake, someone has to get off the hamster wheel of going nowhere. If you recognize yourself in this scenario and want to try and get back the "Play" I suggest taking some small baby steps to re-writing the script between the two of you.
For starters...... make sure that you acknowledge each others needs. Communication is not a term to be considered overrated. It is the key to a great and loving relationship. Here are some quick points to help jump-start your relationship back into the Play Zone!
Incorporatiing ways to begin flirting with your partner again:
1. Text or call once a day. Make it more interesting than , what do you want to eat for dinner!
2. Get to know your partner again, on a daily basis if possible. What is on your partner's agenda, what are their hopes, wishes, dreams, concerns, worries....Who the heck are you married to today?
3. Express your own needs to your partner. Make sure that they hear you.
4. Set a "date night" to get away from the kids or the hum drum of life, go to the beach, the movies, a concert, the gun range, a hike, hot air rides, diivng with tthe sharks....I don't care what you do...Just Do Something together! Your brain actually creates new synapses when you "Do Things Together" promoting the release of oxytocin and other chemicals in your body that increase the physical and chemical bonding between you as a couple.
5. No one else can help you to re-create your marriage. This a job that only you can do together. First you have to want to make some changes in your relationship. Secondly, you have to do the work.
Good luck and keep in touch.....
COMING SOON: MEMBERS AREA- @ www.Bocatherapy.com
This new addition to Dr. Krieger's website will be offering a Members Only & Concierge Services section. This new programming will allow you to schedule in your personal skype sessions with the doctor at your convenience, access and view her new Videos on Relationship, and Sexual Intimacy. Also available are access to our Private Blogging section and access to her store/Books at special member discounts. We look forward to seeing you there this coming December!